A Shadow in my Heart
by Rollingsushi
Summary: Everyone faced their darkside- their Shadows, but what of Seta Souji. He holds within his heart the darkest secrets, and the worst has yet to come. Loneliness and anxiety eats away at him...is it becoming too much for him? Contains soft yaoi. Souji/Yosuke
1. Home Sick

Note: This fic takes place sometime during January-March 2012.

Disclaimer: Persona 4 is owned by Atlus.

* * *

The voice drew nearer. The darkness seemed to grow colder as the distorted voice made its way closer to the teenaged boy. His bed sheets were getting ruffled and clawed at, and from a distance he thought he could see a shadow darker than the darkness forming in his room.

"Is someone there?" The distressed high-schooler mumbled under his breath, afraid that he might aggravate the mysterious presence residing in his room if he spoke too loud. There was no reply; just the sound of slow, heavy breathing. And it wasn't his.

Unable to face whatever was watching him, he hid under his bed sheets and forced his eyes closed. He repeated fervently to himself in his mind that it was all just a dream.

_Just a dream…It's just a bad dream…_

_

* * *

_

Morning came all too slowly. Souji felt he couldn't sleep at all last night. He was drenched in sweat and his hair was clumped up as if he had just taken a mud bath. He quickly wiped the drool leaking from the side of his mouth and got out of bed. After taking a quick shower and saying goodbye to Nanako, who was sitting happily besides her new kotatsu, Souji went ahead to school.

Like any other day in Inaba, he was looking forward to it. School was where everything happened. It was where he could see his friends, contribute to the music club, beat everyone's scores during exams, and think about what he was going to do next in the men's restroom. He loved school in Inaba. It was a close-nit community so everyone was friendly with each other and there was peace and quiet in the suburbs, unlike in the urban areas where he used to live. He didn't want to leave Inaba. Ever. Everything precious to him resided here in this small rural town- his friends, his family…and his crush. But he knew he had to leave the countryside soon. He was, after all, only staying temporarily with his uncle and cousin because his parents were overseas for some trivial business thing he didn't know much about.

That was all his parents were concerned about; money and a position in life. They never took into consideration their own son's feelings when they moved, which was frequent. Every time they moved he would have to make new friends, adjust to the new living conditions and meet new expectations set by his teachers and parents. Too often he would feel the loneliness of abandonment eating at his insides so he made it a rule not to make anymore friends for he would eventually have to leave them some day too. It was however inevitable to make friends in Inaba because of its small population, but he was fine with that. In fact, he was overjoyed that he could make new friends again. It had been too long since he last made a friend that he had forgotten the joys of friendship. He wished he never needed to leave Inaba.

* * *

The bell rang for lunchtime. Souji had packed himself some soggy tempura but he was too embarrassed to ask anyone to eat it with him so he ate it by himself on the rooftop. It wasn't long until his friends found him though. He quickly closed the lid of his bento box before being greeted by his friends.

"So here you were! We were looking for you." Chie's smile always lightened up the atmosphere. "Oh, what's that smell? Are you having tempura? Oh, let me have some!"

Unable to object, Souji handed her his failed creations and moved away from her in case she would kick him in the groin for causing her stomach pains. His friends proceeded to sit with him and as they did Souji's eyes darted over to his best buddy, Yosuke.

"Tempura? Hey, let me have some too."

"No!" Souji objected fiercely but he wasn't meant to make it sound as if he didn't want to share with his best friend. "It- uh- I don't think you'll like it."

Yosuke's head tilted in confusion. "Huh?"

"It's crap."

"Oh, come on. Nothing you make can be crappier than the original Mystery Food X."

There was a sudden outburst of protests coming from two particular females. "Hey! What do you mean by that? You wanna say that to our faces, huh?"

Naoto simply stared at them in confusion. She wasn't around when the incident of Mystery Food X occurred so she asked Kanji what the girls were on about. "Well, y'know, some stuff happened back in camp but it was before you came to our school. Let's just say Chie and Yukiko are lethal chefs."

Souji watched the argument in amusement. He loved how he could belong with the group and exist. It was times like these which caused him to resent making new friends. He knew that after a few more months he would never be able to experience the same happiness again with his current friends because he would have to move back to his parent's home. Never again would he be able to see Chie's heartwarming smile or hear Yukiko's pathetic laugh. Never again would there be a time where he would witness another Mystery Food X incident or travel into the TV world as a team. Those things would be sorely missed but none of them could surpass the pain of leaving his best friend behind. He could feel his soul shatter just thinking about it. He sighed heavily, releasing the stress that was building up inside.

"Are we making you angry, leader?" All heads turned to Souji, who was bemused by everyone's reaction to his heavy sigh. His mind was still up in the clouds so he struggled to find the right words to reply.

"No, it's nothing. I was just…reminiscing."

"Reminiscing?" Chie's face suddenly became saddened. "Oh…right. This is your last school term with us, isn't it? Wow, it seems like time just flies by when you're having fun, eh? I can't believe it though. It's already…"

"Nooo~ I don't wanna be separated from sempai!" Rise was on the verge of tears. "You can't leave Inaba so soon! We still have so much to talk about and do together!"

It wasn't only those two who refused to believe that his departure was near. Everyone whose heart he touched were going to miss him greatly. They couldn't even begin to imagine the rift he was going to create by leaving the town.

"Let's stop talking about this." Yosuke halted everyone unexpectedly. His eyes were downcast, away from everyone's curious stare. It seemed that the matter regarding Souji's departure was a delicate subject for him. He would always try to avoid talking about, and this time was no different. "Way to go Chie for ruining the mood. Can we talk about something else, please?"

"Yosuke…?" Souji stared into the other's eyes, trying to read his emotions and feelings. He almost thought his friend would breakdown in tears but Yosuke was manlier than that.

"Seta." He looked up, his gaze directed solely upon Souji. "You're still here now and that's all that matters to me… no, to everyone here. We can worry and be depressed when the time comes but for now, let's just enjoy every moment we still have left together."

Such a heartfelt speech coming from Yosuke shocked everyone, rendering them speechless until Kanji stepped in. "Hey sempai's right! We just gotta make the most of this time we have left together. If we keep moping around like this, it's just gonna be even more depressing when you go back home."

"Yeah, you said it Kanji." Yukiko nodded accordingly. "Hey, why don't we all have a sleep over at the Amagi Hotel. It's been a while since we all had a holiday together and since we just finished with the exams, we have some relief time before the next ones."

Yosuke raised his fists to his chest before exclaiming "Hell yes! Let's do that!" His voice was loud enough to scare off the birds perched on the other side of the roof. The brunette faced Souji with an expectant expression. "How 'bout it, partner? I'm already excited just thinking about it. By the way, Yukiko…" He glared spitefully at the girls in general. "This time, WE get to go to the hot springs first."

"Wha-!"

"You owe us from last time!" And with that the girls remained silent with guilt-ridden faces.

After a while of vigorous discussions about the anticipated trip, the bell signaled for the end of lunch-time. The group dispersed, leaving a very slow Souji behind packing up the remains of his lunch. He was so entranced with the whole vacation thing that he didn't notice the presence behind him.

"Hey, Seta." Souji spun his head around and met eyes with Yosuke. He had assumed his friend already left for the next classes so the surprise left his heart beating hard. "You don't look so well today. Studying too much?"

He smiled and shook his head. "It was just nightmare I had. Couldn't sleep the rest of the night afterwards."

"Whoa serious?" Yosuke scratched the side of his head out of habit. "Umm…well if it makes you feel any better, why don't you tell me about it? I'm all ears."

His kind consideration tore at Souji's heart. He could feel an eruption of anguish rise from the pits of his stomach; like butterflies, but on fire.

_If only I could take you with me…_

"I'm stronger than you think. I wouldn't let a simple nightmare upset me, I mean… after what we've all been through together…"

"Of course. Else you wouldn't be our leader, eh?" Yosuke chuckled lightly. "Let's get to class, partner."

Replying with a simple smile, Souji left the vicinity with his best friend and returned to class in a good mood.

* * *

Reviews are always welcomed. Next chapter will be in Yosuke's P.O.V.

P.S~ Togainu no Chi fics will be on hold until i get more material for it. Did anyone pee their pants when TnC anime was announced? I sure did :3


	2. Denial

**Shadow in my Heart: Chapter 2**

'_Every day's great at your Junes…'_

Yosuke Hanamura grudgingly continued stacking packets of ointments and stimulants onto the medicine shelves. He wasn't allowed to bring his headphones during working hours so he was forced to endure the endless drone that was the Junes theme song. It was an unusual day for Yosuke to be working since it was a Sunday, a weekend, but as Junes was once again heavily understaffed he needed to work overtime whenever a couple of teenaged girls decided not to turn up for work. He seriously hoped they'd get sacked soon.

_I never liked those girls anyway. All they ever cared about was fashion and dieting. Pff, like that would ever get them anywhere in life._

His arms soon fell limp from sustaining the same monotonous actions over a long period of time so he decided to take a quick break. The brunette headed to the staff room, massaging his tense shoulders along the way, exercising his shoulder joints until he could hear the satisfying '_crack'_. To his surprise, many other staff members were also loitering there, having their own inane conversations between each other.

_Why aren't they at their stations?_

Forcing himself to ignore the other staff members, who were mainly part-timers and thus slackers, he sat down on a stool far from the others in an attempt to keep away from their blaring voices. He wasn't at all keen to listen to their trivial conversations.

"Did you hear? The neighbor's son did so badly on his exams that they're wondering what to do with him."

"Oh my! If my son was lazy and inept, I wouldn't know what to do with him-"

_Lazy? Damn_ _hypocritical mothers…_

"Oh, I wish my boyfriend would just hurry up and buy that dress for me! It's nearly my birthday and-"

_Ugh! Selfish girls_…

"I hate working here in Junes! They won't even give me a small pay rise!"

"I know, right? They're so stingy."

_Nothing but complaints every single day…_

"It's so boring these days! I wonder what happened to the Midnight Channel? It was like one of the best shows ever!"

"I know right? Hey, did you guys see that Amagi chick inside there at one time? She was so hot, I mean- the version on TV was hot. Man, if only the real one was feisty too, then I'd so hit on her."

"Do you reckon what they say on there is true? How creepy would that be!"

"Nah, it's probably some cheap reality TV show that airs at night because no one would watch it. I wonder how much they were paid to appear on there."

"Haha, that's so low…"

Oh, how Yosuke wished he had his headphones with him! He was so sick of hearing people's naïve banters! The Midnight Channel caused so much trouble for him and his friends; the things they had to go through…the pain they had to endure…. The entire world would've become extinct if they hadn't risked their own lives to stop the endless cycle of illusion and death.

_It's everyone's fault…everyone's fault we had to go through that hell, and here they are talking about it as if it were nothing!_

He despised other people for being able to live life without any worries or regrets. He wished so badly that he could live in bliss and ignorance without any doubts like everyone else. Why was it that only _he_ had to endure this aching pain inside his heart?

_Wait…aching pain in my heart? Why…?_

Yosuke shook his head when the image of one particular man appeared inside his mind. He refused to think about _him_. It wasn't because he hated him or anything- quite the opposite actually. The more he thought about _him_ the more his heart ached. His twisted obsession became a twisted need for possession.

_No! This isn't right! I don't feel this way towards him! It's a mistake. I'm just confused._

Yosuke repeated words of denial through his head.

_I like girls, damnit! Girls…hot chicks with nice smooth legs…maybe a nice curvy body too…white skin, pink lips, soft hair…_

_ I wonder if Souji's hair is soft as well…_

The brunette stopped dead in his tracks, his face frozen in shock. _Oh god I did not just…_ His clutched his chest tightly in an attempt to slow down his heart beat. He bit his lips, ignoring the curious glares of the other Junes employees and customers. In the state he was in, he really didn't care about what was going on around him. He was too preoccupied with trying to get rid of the fantasies that now screwed with his mind.

_No, I don't mean that in a sexual way. He's my best buddy so naturally I'd want to know more about him. It's not like I find him attractive or anything…I mean, girls are way better looking than guys._

He forced his eyes to perv at a short girl who was struggling to reach for something on one of the high shelves. Slowly he digested her every feature and tried to come up with an erotic description for each, hopefully dissuading his mind of Souji.

_Skinny legs I can slide my fingers across, cute skirt, nice curves…_

By then the girl had resorted to jumping up and down in order to get the item she wanted, making it easier for Yosuke to peer under her skirt. Unfortunately it was a sight he wished he could unsee.

_Briefs? MEN'S BRIEFS?_

He groaned out loud, clutching his heads in sheer agony. "Gahhh, why must the world be so cruel to me!"

"Oh, hey Yosuke!"

The brunette turned around unenthusiastically for he recognized that voice and it belonged to the one who ate away at his allowance…literally. "Chie? Oh…I'm so glad to see you."

"What's with the monotone? Is this how you treat your customers?"

He sighed heavily. "What is it you want? Free steak again?"

Chie laughed haughtily, shaking her head. "Nah, not today. I'm just looking for ingredients for a sweet new recipe me and Yukiko created! We're thinking of making it just for Seta, cause y'know…"

"Yeah, you don't have to finish that sentence." _Please don't…_

"Oh! And Yukiko's thinking of stocking up for the hot springs vacation at the inn. Make sure you're free next week, okay?"

"Whoa, it's happening next week?"

She grinned, putting her fists to her hips. "The earlier the better, no? I mean, we only have a few more weeks left with-"

"Chie!" Yosuke silenced her abruptly, rendering her speechless. "It makes me depressed just thinking about it!"

"Whoa…I'm sorry. Didn't mean to hurt you."

He scrunched up his face, hiding his pained expression behind his hand. "Doesn't matter. I'm just being stupid."

"Huh?" Yosuke dashed off before Chie could say another word to him. He disappeared to the medicine aisle again and resumed with his work silently.

* * *

The sky began to grow dark as Yosuke walked down the Samegawa riverbank. He stared listlessly into the crystal clear water as he strolled passed, hoping for something to jump out and attack him. His hands felt around his bare neck, missing the familiar weight of his headphones. It felt somewhat even more uncomfortable now, to not have his headphones with him, because the unbearable silence made it hard for him to not think about Souji.

He kicked around the dirt before proceeding to head home, wandering what he should do once he got back. As he whipped his head towards the direction of his destination, he detected a presence from the corner of his eye. He turned around to see who it was; a lonesome figure, sitting by himself under the deserted gazebo, his grey hair hiding his face as he stared at his shoes silently.

_Wha- Souji?_

Yosuke's feet instantly moved as if it was reflex. His legs guided him towards the inert figure of his friend who then looked up, startled, when he heard incoming footsteps. Although it was really hard to determine what he was feeling, since Souji usually remained expressionless, Yosuke could sense the man's hidden sorrow as he neared him.

"Yosuke?" The teenager's depression instantly melted away as soon as Souji's sweet, resonating voice reached his ears.

"Hey, Seta! Fancy meeting you here. What are you doing, sitting here by yourself?" He felt giddy as he said that, compelling him to clear his throat. He made his way under the gazebo and took a seat next to his best friend but as he did, he noticed Souji flinch a little as his arm touched his so he shifted a bit to allow more space in between them.

_Something's bothering him…_

"Did you just get off from work?"

"Yeah. I had to fill in for those lazy part-timers. It got really busy today too, so I might need your help again if it gets too hectic."

A faint smile appeared on Souji's face. "Yeah, sure. I don't mind helping out every now and then."

"Heh. I can always count on you, eh, partner?" His pulse sped up a little. "Uhh…so what are you doing here? It's kinda rare seeing you hang out around the riverbank." Yosuke waited for an answer but all he got was a heavy sigh. He wasn't sure how to interpret it though. "Is something bothering you?" But he really didn't need an answer to that question. Yosuke could tell something _was_ wrong with his friend. The dark shadows under his eyes and the pasty white-ness of his skin were signs of sleepless nights.

"I had that nightmare again."

"Huh? Again?"

"I haven't been able to sleep well ever since they began. Every night, it gets more surreal and intense but when I wake up I can't even remember the details of it. It's like…the dream is trying to tell me something but at the same time, it's trying to keep it away from me."

"What do you see?"

"I can't really remember but when I sleep, I feel as if something's watching me in the darkness. And not just that either. Recently I can even hear it moving around the room, as if it's purposely trying to make its presence noticed." The tormented teenager covered his forehead with cold hands. "It just feels too real to be just a mere nightmare. I've been too afraid to sleep now."

Yosuke felt helpless. His best friend was in total anguish yet he couldn't do a thing to comfort him.

_There's gotta be something I can do to ease his suffering even if just a little._

"Have you told your uncle about this? Maybe its just stress?" _Yeah, right…what could he be stressed about?_

"I don't think it's stress…"

"Do you want some sleeping medicine?"

"No thanks."

"…Is there anything I can do to help?"

Souji turned around and peered straight into the other's eyes. Neither of them could look away, as if their gazes took hold of one another. As Yosuke stared, he noticed a slight tinge of red appear on his friend's cheeks and in turn, it ignited the bomb in his chest.

_What the hell is with this awkward atmosphere? Say something, Yosuke!_

He was about to open his mouth but only managed to let out a gasp as he felt the weight of a certain someone's head on his shoulders. "W-whoa? Seta…?"

"Lend me your shoulder just for a little while…"

Yosuke was rendered speechless. Even if he could speak, he could think of nothing to say that would be deemed appropriate given the situation he was in. He felt so uncomfortable, yet at the same time he felt the need to hold the other closer until their bodies met. If only he had the courage to grab him but he was too overwhelmed with the adrenaline rush circulating through his body to even think straight. He winced at the tingling sensation on his neck where Souji's hair had touched. _It's soft…_ His head started to spin when he noticed how hard his chest has been pounding. And then he froze in realization.

_Oh my god. What if he can hear it?_

A shiver ran up his spine as Souji tugged at his shirt. His head gently fell from his shoulder and shifted closer towards Yosuke's pounding chest. To make matters worse, he rested a hand on the now-traumatized teenager's thigh. Yosuke could no longer remain sane. His whole body burned, his fingers twitched with the yearning of touching something- and now his mind was about to break down.

_No! I can't do this! I'm not…this isn't…_

Yosuke broke away from Souji forcefully and leaped off his seat. He faced away from the other and rubbed his flustered cheeks, cooling them down with his cold hands.

"Y-Yosuke? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's all cool. I know you just wanted to rest on me because of your insomnia bu-but that…" he tried to look at his best friend in the eye but ended up staring at the concrete pavement instead. The words he wanted to convey were jammed in his throat so he just said whatever came to mind. "That type of thing is for girls, isn't it? You should go to Chie or Yukiko if you wanted to rest on a shoulder."

_Oh shit, that's not what I wanted to say!_

"Oh…" There was a look of disappointment in Souji's eyes. "Sorry. Didn't mean to make you feel _gay_."

"Wh-what?" It was subtle but Yosuke was sure he heard spite hidden in those words. "I didn't mean it like that! I'm just saying that it's more _normal_ to lean on a girl you like!" He mentally heard his heart rip into pieces.

_Again, I said something stupid!_

"A _girl_ I like? What made you assume I liked a girl?"

"But all those girls you went out with last year- surely you must have a special someone you think about all the time! Just go to them!" Again, an unseen force continued to wrench at his chest.

_Why do I feel like dying right now…?_

"Yosuke, wait! I _did _hang out with them but that doesn't mean I _like_ them! Please, just hear me out. I have to tell you something before I go-" The both of them simply stared at one another with pain-stricken faces. Souji couldn't finish the sentence. No… more like he didn't want to.

"Why would you bring that up…?" It suddenly got too agonizing for the conversation to go on. Yosuke forced a smile, even if it ended up being a wryly one. "Look, forget about what I said. It's getting late so why don't you head home?"

"Yosuke?"

"Laters!" And with that, Yosuke ran. He ran without looking back, afraid of what he might see. He was sure that Souji was pissed off at him for saying such ridiculous things to him. And so was he. He was pissed off at himself for saying such stupid things. Now their relationship was strained and he couldn't do anything about it. There was nothing he could do to mend the reversed relationship. He simply ran until he was completely out of the other's sight.

* * *

Souji, petrified with unimaginable despair, watched Yosuke's back as he ran. When he had disappeared around the corner, he felt as if that was the last time he'd ever see him again. He clutched his hands until his fingernails dug into his skin, holding it closely to his heart which was throbbing in pain. He looked up into the darkened sky.

"No…it can't end like this. I don't want to leave like this…"

* * *

XXX

A/N: Back to Souji's POV next chp.


	3. Growing paranoia

Souji walked home from school feeling exhausted and unwell. He tried to think of something fulfilling to cover up the void in his heart but he could only come up with more despairing thoughts concerning his broken relationship with Yosuke. It wasn't just his best friend though – Souji could feel the threads binding everyone together unwinding as he drifted further away from them. The boy wondered when these feelings of emptiness began. He knew he should be content with his life. He had helped saved the world from Izanami, and soon he'd be returning to his hometown where his _mother dearest_ would be waiting for him.

_Right…mother dearest. _He rolled his eyes in the manner of sarcasm. Souji didn't want to return to his hometown – to the family who cared more about their jobs than their own son. If he returned now, he would just go back to being the bored and emotionless figure he was before he arrived in Inaba, and he didn't want that. He wanted to feel something towards people – to love, to hate; to trust and to hope – it was his friends who helped revived those dormant emotions within his heart and made him feel alive again. But to leave it all behind in a matter of a few days… he didn't know what to do with himself.

* * *

The door clicked shut as Souji closed it. He pulled off his shoes before taking a step into the house. He could hear the sound of the kettle boiling over and the light thumping sound of Nanako's child-like footsteps as she greeted him at the door.

"Big bro! Welcome home!" Her voice sounded like the morning chime to a great day in Inaba. There was never a time when Nanako's presence wouldn't rekindle his spirits. "Is it cold outside? I heard there was going to be a huge storm tonight so I won't be able to do the laundry. I'm making some tea right now. Do you want some?"

"Sorry Nanako. I'm a little tired right now so I think I'll just go to bed. Is your father not home yet?"

The poor girl pouted her face and shook her head in dismay. "No…Daddy's still at work. He says an important assignment came up so he's working overtime. He promised me that we would go to Junes together too!" She looked as if she was about to cry but then she gave a wide grin, reassuring Souji. "But I'm okay! I have you here with me, big bro!"

He smiled but not without guilt. "Don't worry. You're safe as long as I'm here."

_But when you're gone…_ His inner conscience beckoned. _When you're gone, she'll be all alone again. She'll always be exposed to danger…always feel lonely…you're reassuring presence is but a mere substitute to her father's absence. You're just there to temporarily replace her father. The love you see in this family is an illusion. You can't ever belong._

Souji clutched his head, turning around so that Nanako couldn't see how distressed he was. He couldn't tell if the voice at the back of his mind was real or just a figment of his guilty conscience speaking. There was something ominous about the voice, as if its purpose was to torment him and to make him feel even more despair.

_You can't find acceptance here. Why don't you try somewhere else? Like over the other side?_

"You okay?" Nanako asked with concern plastered all over her face. "You don't look so good."

"Yeah…I'm just feeling tired." He decided that the voices were probably a hallucination; nothing harmful to him or to those around him. All he needed was to rest a little and clear his mind of all those grievous thoughts.

Turning around, he headed up the stairs towards his room.

* * *

Souji stood motionless in front of his small TV. He wasn't completely sure what he was doing but he found that he had developed a habit for watching the 'Midnight Channel'. Of course, nothing would appear on there anymore since they had put a stop to Izanami's deeds. Still, something in his mind urged him to watch it for old time's sake.

As he stared into the screen of his TV, he couldn't help but feel nostalgic. He remembered the times when he and his friends would call him up after identifying the next murder victim. He loved the thrill and dangers of wandering into the other world, so he was a bit disappointed when the adventure ended. It was something he'd miss but he'll never forget the times he fought with his friends. He wished he could go back one last time to fight alongside them before he would leave Inaba.

His eyes lingered on the TV screen but all he could see was his own reflection staring back at him. It stared at him with longing in its eyes.

Souji decided to go to bed.


	4. Shadow

Warning: suggestive scene.

Disclaimer: P4 is owned by Atlus.

* * *

The storm outside showed no signs of subsiding. Souji was still wide awake, unable to fall asleep from the racket, though it wasn't as if he could sleep peacefully anyway. Like all ordinary people did, Souji feared the unknown. When he dreamt, he could see nothing but was still able to feel an eerie presence besides him, watching him. He wanted to believe it was a nightmare but it felt too real to be just a mere illusion.

An hour passed and still he could not find it in himself to close his eyes. He was dreadfully tired but refused to relive another nightmare. The boy focused on the monotonous sound of rain falling, counting the drops he could distinguish inside his head but it was like counting sheep, causing him to feel even more tired than awake. The clock ticked away as his eyelids slowly closed…

-_Thud-_

Souji's eyes snapped wide open. His heart pounded upon hearing an unfamiliar sound awakening in his room.

-_Thud-_

He pulled the sheets over his head and pretended to be oblivious to the foreign noises occurring at that moment, in his bedroom. He reassured himself that it was just his mind playing tricks on him. A little sleep would probably make everything better.

Souji turned to lie on his side and to face the wall. If there was something in his room, he didn't want to witness it. He was all alone and none of his friends were there to help him if he got himself into danger.  
It wasn't long until the noises became louder. And closer. He thought the eerie presence couldn't make itself more obvious until it pushed over a stack of books. Or maybe it tripped over them. In any case, the presence was clearly making its existence known. It wasn't hiding anything from Souji anymore.

He heard light footsteps come closer towards his futon, its feet scraping his tatami mat. Its movements stopped momentarily and Souji thought his harasser finally disappeared, for the night at least.

And then he felt it. Something climbing onto the base of his futon. First he felt something weighing down on his legs, and then _something_ began to inch its way towards his head.

Souji couldn't stay calm anymore. His instincts told him he had to leave the room. Now. But if only it were that simple.

As if the inhuman presence predicted his actions, it pinned him down onto the futon, preventing his escape. A shocked gasp escaped Souji as he struggled to free himself from the intruder's grasp. He wanted to stay under the blankets because it offered sanctuary, however the intruder had grabbed the head of his blanket and slowly pulled it off his face, exposing him to the darkness.

Souji mentally prepared himself for what was to come. Was he going to be killed? Was he going to be spirited away? He wanted to wake up from the nightmare – oh gods, he hoped it _was_ a nightmare.

Souji's heart pounded against his chest when he felt a hand caress his cheek. A human hand? No…it was too cold to be a human's hand. There was a particular gentleness when Souji's 'night-visitor' touched him on the cheeks, almost as if it wanted to prove that it wasn't hostile. Wasn't it there to hurt him?

"Who's…there?" His voice trembled, but he tried not to sound scared lest his visitor would take advantage of his fear. He tilted his head so he could get a glimpse of who he was conversing with. Souji's eyes widened with shock when he saw them – those eerie golden eyes that glowed in the dark. Golden eyes that belonged to a Shadow.

"Sh-Shadow!" Souji scrambled up in panic. His mind was in disarray upon finding a Shadow in his very room. What was it doing here? How was it here? Whose Shadow was it?

"Shh…" The Shadow hushed him, its hand firmly on Souji's chest. It lowered its head closer towards the frightened teenager until their hairs touched. Its breath was soft and steady, and when it whispered into his ear its breath was like a midnight breeze against his skin. "I'm here…forever…in here…" the Shadow tapped with his index finger onto Souji's chest – the place where his heart was.

"Wh-who are you?" Souji's vision was somewhat hazy so he could not make out who the Shadow was. It was as if the Shadow was enveloped in a black mist darker than the darkness in his room, but the shape was unmistakably human.

"You know who I am." Its voice was distorted but something about it sounded familiar.

"I do? One of my friends?" Souji hoped this wasn't the case, and it was highly unlikely anyway. All of his friends have faced their inner demons…all except him.

_No…it couldn't be._

"M-me?" Souji more or less choked on that one word. _Unbelievable. It's not like I have something to hide. Do I?_ "You must be someone else's Shadow!"

"Why are you in denial?" Souji thought he saw the Shadow smile – _His _Shadow. "Don't worry. You'll accept me. I want you to accept me. You and I…we have to be together. We have to be one."

_Is it just me or was there a double meaning in those words?_

"N-no. You're a Shadow. You don't belong here. This is only a dream, a nightmare. You're not really here."

His Shadow hushed him again. "Aww, don't say that. I _am _real. And I'm here for you. I told you, we have to be together." Souji felt something cold slide up his back. "You don't need anyone but me. Especially not that 'Yosuke' fellow. He's useless."

Souji's eyes widened with surprise, and perhaps with anguish. It was unforgivable how the Shadow was speaking ill about Yosuke but it was probably because it knew about Souji's feelings towards him. It was using it against him, and it was working. The familiar sensation of longing pulled at his heart, causing him to panic even more.

"Don't talk about him like that! You don't know anything about him. He's not useless! He's -"

"Stop defending him. You know it's true. Heck, he even ran away from you when you needed him the most. He failed you and made you cry." The Shadow laid its head on Souji's chest. Its inhumanly cold hands were on his hips, and they were gently stroking the sides of his torso. Souji was about to question the Shadow's intentions for getting so incredibly _intimate _with him but he didn't get a chance to as the Shadow continued. "I've been watching you for a long time now. I know everything about you because we're one and the same. I know what you like and what you desire."

"No! You don't know anything about me. You're not me!"

Souji was half-expecting to see the Shadow transform into something ridiculously grotesque however it remained where it was, on top of him.

"Why are you saying such mean things? I _am_ you, and I know what you want right now." The Shadow raised its head, hooking the hem of Souji's shirt with its fingers. When it started lifting the shirt off him, Souji squirmed away but the weight of the Shadow prevented him from moving at all.

"What do you think you're doing?" Souji winced when something cold rubbed against his nipple. The Shadow's fingers were like icicles so whenever they touched him, he would feel their searing coldness against the warmth of his skin. Despite feeling uncomfortable, he was somewhat aroused by it.

"You want this. You want someone to touch you, to hold you."

"No! I don't!"

"I know you want this."

"Stop putting words into my mouth!"

"I can put much more into your mouth." Souji gulped. He didn't like where this was going. He needed to escape from his Shadow, but it was far stronger than he was. Nobody was there to help him either. He was in this alone.

"Please don't do this to me. I don't want it." He hated how scared he sounded but he was in no condition to fight back. He believed his Shadow was at least a bit gullible so Souji tried to take advantage of it. "If you know everything about me, then you would know that I don't want this."

"No?" The Shadow's eyes glowed eerily. "That's weird. But I want this so that must mean you want this too."

_What? What kind of bizarre logic is that?_ "I told you already! We are not connected in anyway whatsoever. Go back to your world!" Souji's voice was noticeably louder this time but he was wary of keeping his voice low as well so that he wouldn't wake Nanako or her father.

Instead of complying to Souji's demands however, the Shadow leaned forward and nipped the bottom of his lips. _Oh god, now it's going to kiss me?_ Before it could do anything else, Souji shoved the figure away but when his hands connected with the Shadow, strings of dark smoke encircled him. He was startled, but was even more startled when the Shadow put its hand onto his forehead and pushed his hair back. Its hand then systematically trailed down to the nape of his neck and then onto his shoulders. The Shadow leaned over again and kissed him, its tongue sliding along his bottom lip. Its breath was cool, and so were its lips and tongue. Souji didn't want to admit it but it tasted wonderful. The feeling was equivalent to having your thirst quenched by cooled water.

When Souji's eyes instinctively closed, he knew he was succumbing to his desire. But how could he get away from it? Maybe he should just go along with it. It was a dream after all…right? He couldn't distinguish between what was real and what was an illusion anymore. Everything felt real; the Shadow's kiss, its tender caresses – everything – and especially the heat that was pooling between his legs.

The Shadow's hand slid down towards Souji's hips, and he responded by inadvertently swaying them towards the other.

_ Crap. What the hell am I doing? I'm not some horny teenager who wants to get it on! Well, not with a Shadow anyway!_

"I told you, you want this. I can see it. I can _feel_ it. I want this too so it's okay. The more we touch, the more we'll become 'one' with each other."

"Wh-what?" Fear took hold of his body. Everything his Shadow muttered was bizarre and nonsensical, and the more intimate its words became, the more Souji feared it would do something unspeakable to him. He didn't want to have anything to do with his Shadow. He knew from experience that the only way to make the Shadow disappear was to accept him. But hell, Souji wasn't about to do that! He didn't want to be violated by a monster that looked like him – at least he thought it looked like him – but he was desperate for escape.

He swallowed the anxiety, forcing it down his throat. His heart was thumping violently and he could hear his own breath becoming more ragged. The Shadow inched forward again and all Souji could think about was escape. He wished his friends were there. He wished they were a team again. He needed their power to vanquish the Shadow – the Shadow that belonged to him. Their support was invaluable to him but at that moment, when he needed it the most, they weren't around. Something deep inside his heart hoped that at least Yosuke would come for him.

_Yosuke_...

The Shadow stopped abruptly as if something hit its nerves. Its glowing eyes were wavering a bit and Souji thought he could see its eyebrows crossing.

"Why…why are you thinking about that guy? I'm the one here! I should be the only one in your mind!"

"H-huh?" Souji managed to utter, baffled by the Shadow's sudden change of mood. Why had its temper suddenly soured? Did it know that he was thinking about Yosuke just then?

"Stop thinking about that guy! He'll only hurt you!" Its voice lowered ominously. "Only I'm allowed to have you. We have to be together. Just you and I. We have to always have each other in our minds." The Shadow grabbed onto his shirt as if he was clinging onto dear life. "I don't want to be apart from you. We have to be together. We have to. We have to. I don't want to go back by myself. I don't want to be alone."

Souji was taken aback by the Shadow's sudden confession. He started wondering if Shadows even had a heart, let alone a soul to feel emotions. But apparently they did because Souji's Shadow was expressing its fear of loneliness. Its body was quavering like a frightened mouse, afraid to go back into the darkness.

Souji hesitated a little but mustered the courage to converse with his Shadow. "Why are you scared? Aren't you a Shadow? You can look after yourself on the other side."

"No. No, I don't want to be alone. You have to be with me. I can't exist without you."

His heart skipped a beat. The Shadow's words sounded as if it came from some corny soap opera. And they were directed at him! "What do you mean by that? Surely you just want to kill me and take over my identity."

"No! No, I told you…" The Shadow's hands clenched tighter. "I can't exist without you!"

Souji's lips almost twisted to a smirk. Why did the Shadow's words sound so ridiculous? He had never met another Shadow who spoke like _this_. It spoke as if Souji was his other half. _Oh god, that sounds crazy._ Yet at the same time, he could sympathize with its pain. The miserable feeling of loneliness and despair…perhaps its feelings were a reflection of his own? Souji regained his composure and the uncomfortable feeling of fear disappeared. He could only feel sorry for the pitiful monster that clung onto him like a child and its mother.

As if instincts compelled him to, he lifted an arm and laid it on the Shadow's back. He would've liked if the Shadow went back into the other world but he wasn't that cruel of a bastard to not feel sorry for the poor being. Even if it _was_ his Shadow.

"Mm…" the figure stirred and its body rose. Golden eyes were directed upon Souji once again but this time they possessed a strange lustful look. "I want you. I've waited too long. I want to be with you forever and ever."

"We can't. It's not possible." Souji shook his head. He knew that all the Shadow wanted was to have someone besides him but that was nigh impossible. Shadows couldn't exist in the human world, and humans would die if they stayed in the other world.

_Wait…what am I saying? Am I seriously considering to go with this monster?_

Cold fingers began to trail down his stomach, lower than he expected them to go. The Shadow's eyes were drooped, and it stuck out its tongue to lick its own lips. "I'll make you forget about that guy. I'll make it so that only _I'll_ be in your mind." But before it could make another move, sunlight broke through the curtains and when they struck the Shadow, it disappeared, leaving a trace of black smoke behind.

Souji's body felt significantly lighter as he sat up, still disoriented by the incredible encounter. He waved his hand in front of him until the smoke completely dissipated, leaving no evidence of a Shadow ever having visited him. He slumped back down onto the futon, his mind unable to comprehend what had just happened. Souji glanced once at the time before closing his eyes. He felt surprisingly at peace, as if he just faced himself; literally. It wasn't long until his mind drifted off into unconsciousness.

* * *

A/N: phew, finally got this chapter out of the way. Took me a while to write it cause i was struggling a lot. It was originally gonna be more, erm, intense but then I'd have to change the rating...and i can't be bothered.

but, gosh. Now i gotta write the TnC one. Oh mannn noo T_T


	5. Bear in the Woods

Note: Teddie's POV

* * *

A Shadow in my Heart

Chp5: Bear in the Woods

Teddie put his ear against the TV screen and listened closely for any signs of a crowd. His bear-senses told him that it was probably night-time over the other side due to the lack of noise his ears detected. He pulled back and slumped onto the floor, pouting behind that bear-mask of his. It had been a while since he had last visited his friends on the other side but he could never find the right moment to go. At times, there would be too big a crowd at the Junes Electronics Department to even get out of the TV stationed there but when Teddie waited too long for another chance, Junes would be closed and he wouldn't be able to get out of the Department store without breaking a few laws, and possibly a few windows. Finding another entry zone was also out of the question because that would run the risk of getting lost, and in the worst case scenario, he could accidentally wound up at a strangers house while they were making out with their lovers…not that Teddie would mind or anything. He would just love to become the girl's new 'hot' stud and score.

But here he was again sitting on the cold, hard floor of the usual meet-up place, feeling bored and restless. The patterns on the floor still manage to creep him out even after years of living here. He never really understood why the floor had outlines of dead bodies. Maybe the architect that designed the place thought it was a good idea?

In any case, Teddie was very bored.

_Beary, beary bored. I'm so unbearably bored._

Ever since he and his friends had found the one responsible for throwing people into the TV World, life has been very boring for Teddie. He had told everyone that he would remain in this world to make sure nothing goes wrong but the problem was that _nothing ever went wrong_. All he wanted to do was hang out with Yosuke or Kanji even. He wished he could go over there and have dates with Chie or the ever-lovely Yukiko. Hell, maybe even Naoto but she'd probably shoot him if he asked her out.

It was just far too peaceful in this world now. He wished _something_ would happen – anything to distract him from his current mundane living style.

And then he sensed it – a slight tremor in the air.

The feeling was faint but his keen bear-senses definitely picked up something. There was a flicker in the atmosphere and a droning sound that ticked him off, as a fly would on a dry summer day. Teddie scrambled up and sniffed.

"Uhh, guys? Are you guys here? Yosuke? Sensei?" He spun around as if he anticipated a surprise attack from a Shadow but he found nothing. "Rawrr…I have a bad feeling about this…"

As if on cue, Teddie detected a faint sound from afar – the sound of crying. He walked towards the direction of the noise and stopped at the edge of the platform of the 'TV set', looking around for signs of life.

"Hello? Somebody there?" The crying became louder and the poor bear was now trembling in fear. This was creepier than the time he was faced with his own Shadow. He just wanted to curl up into a ball and hide but the crying sound became cries of agony. Teddie couldn't stand still anymore. Maybe someone was in trouble? There was a slight possibility that somebody may have accidentally fallen through a TV from the other world, and if so, then it was his duty to go help them. When the wailing sounds almost died down, Teddie leapt from the main platform and headed towards the direction of the noise. "W-wait! I'm coming!"

* * *

The bear froze on the spot when he realized which gate the cries came from. He put his claw through the red vortex and proceeded inside. As soon as he got through, he was greeted with the howling of the winds and the sound of pure nature. Yes…this was Yomotsu Hirasaka, or what became of it when the plague of Izanami was destroyed. Teddie could hear the sound of distant waterfalls and smell the sweet nectar of life. The skies were pale blue and the earth was luscious with green and orange. It was like a painting come to life.

This was what the TV World really looked like – the world in people's hearts. Of course, the world in Yomotsu Hirasaka had not extended to the rest of the TV World because people's hearts still needed to settle especially after all that had happened on the other side. That was why many of the other locales in the TV World remained the same and unchanged from their usual state. Teddie hoped that when things were calmer in the other world, this world would also recover fully from Izanami's influence.

Teddie was so dazed by the beautiful scenery that he had forgotten why he had come to Yomotsu Hirasaka in the first place. Strangely enough, he could no longer hear any more suspicious crying. Or maybe something was wrong with his bear senses? _Nah, no way._ He called out just in case somebody was still here.

"Hello? Anybody there?" The bear wandered around a little before stopping to look at some flowers on the ground. He nearly gasped when he noticed an irregularity. Either that or he was going colour blind. He found patches of grey where the bed of flowers used to be, and those splotches of grey trailed through the field before disappearing into the bushes. They looked like footprints but even a bear could tell that footprints didn't leave grey stains like that on the ground.

He started whimpering. "Eh…I-is someone there?" He followed the footprints into the bushes. "I'm warning you…I can be a very scary bear if I wanted to be." Even when he claimed that, Teddie yelped in fear when the bushes began to ruffle. When he opened his eyes, he let out a huge sigh of relief when he realized what it was – a grey squirrel hiding in fear of getting eaten by a bear.

_Wait…a grey squirrel? Those exist right?_

Teddie continued to follow the suspicious trail when the footprints stopped abruptly. He lifted his head and found the trunk of a tree. Needles to say, its colour had also dulled to a depressing grey tone.

_What's happening? Are the plants dying? Do I have to water them or something?_

Before he knew it, he heard something break above him – a branch maybe – and it came crashing down onto him like a falling star. It collided onto him but the impact wasn't great enough to have knocked him out unconscious. He rolled over and struggled a bit before managing to stand up. He brushed himself of debris and turned around.

And then he gasped. Or he would've gasped if fear hadn't stolen his voice.

Without looking back, he ran. He ran as far as his legs could take him. He didn't need to give it another thought. There was no mistaking it. That mass of black smoke, those inhumanly golden eyes – it was a Shadow!

Teddie leapt through the red vortex and headed straight for the TV that led to the TV in Junes. Normally, he wouldn't need any help in taking care of stray Shadows but when his eyes met with the Shadow's, he knew that he needed more than brute force to destroy that thing. It was powerful – so powerful that even from this distance, Teddie could sense its powers. It was as if it was purposely letting its presence known to Teddie. _Oh my god, what if it's chasing after me?_

"Yargh, don't come closer!" And with that final scream, Teddie jumped into the TV screen and let his body be taken to the other side.

* * *

A/N: Happy New Years. Wow, uploaded 3 chapters for different fics at once. What a special day.


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